On a chilly August morning, while sipping coffee and staring out the kitchen window and day dreaming about the day I finally muster the courage to pack up and leave, the day I trade the lively and noisy city streets for some peace and quite in the country side, I’m jolted out of my thoughts by the ringing of my phone by the kitchen counter. I quickly set down my coffee mug on the the counter and answer the phone. This was the day I would never come to regret for the rest of my life. Joe thought my temper tantrums were out of control and he thought it practical for me to go to therapy. I felt insulted, because never in my life had I ever imagined needing therapy for simply being me. He didn’t love me, he loved the thought of one day loving a different me.
A change of character?, in a world where everybody is a mess because they are constantly trying to change themselves for people who refuse to love them for who they are?,I didn’t think so. Yes, I’m impulsive but, not out of control. If he couldn’t love me then, he never would.
As I set down the phone that day, I felt I huge wave of relief wash over me. I could breath, having told Joe that I have never ever needed acceptance, never searched for perfection because it was an illusion, and until the day you accept me, I’ll still be me.